Insights
Relational Intelligence™, psychology, and leadership insight for couples, entrepreneurial women, and high-capacity leaders.
Every week I publish new essays on Relationships.
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Why Love Isn’t Enough for Modern Relationships
“The pressures facing relationships today require something deeper.”Most people were given a relatively simple model of how relationships should work. Love someone.Communicate well.Stay committed.Work through conflict. And things should be okay. For many generations,...
Sometimes Resentment Is Grief in Disguise
“Underneath some of our deepest resentments is something we haven't allowed ourselves to mourn.”A couple can have a good life together and still carry grief about the relationship they thought they would have. They may love each other. They may have raised children....
Why Small Disappointments Become Big Resentments
“Most resentment doesn't begin with something life-changing. It begins with ordinary moments that never find repair.”Most resentment doesn't begin with something dramatic. It begins with something forgettable. A promise that slipped. A text that never came. Doing the...
You Thought You Had a Communication Problem
“Sometimes the conversation that hurts the most isn't revealing what's wrong today. It's revealing the relational pattern that's been quietly organizing your relationship for years.”One of the hardest moments in a relationship is not the argument itself. It's the...
Why the Same Conversation Keeps Finding You
“The conversation is not repeating because neither of you is listening. It is repeating because the relational pattern has not changed.”Have you ever found yourself saying: “Didn’t we already settle this?” At first, it seems like a reasonable question. You remember...
Why We Keep Having the Same Conversation
“It may sound like you're arguing about different things. But often you're living inside the same relational pattern wearing different clothes.”Have you ever walked away from a conversation thinking, "We've had this conversation a hundred times." I've heard some...
Why Awareness Alone Doesn’t Change a Relationship
“Understanding your patterns is where transformation begins. Learning how to create new conversations is where relationships begin to change.”One of the most common things I hear people say is: "I know exactly why I do that." They have done meaningful work on...
When Competence Becomes a Barrier to Intimacy
“The qualities that help us lead, achieve, and care for others can quietly become the very things that keep us from experiencing deeper connection.”There are certain qualities our culture celebrates without hesitation. Competence is one of them. We admire people who...
The Roles We Learn to Play in Relationships
“Many of the ways we show up in love, conflict, leadership, and family were learned as roles long before we experienced them as choice.”Most people assume the way they show up in relationships is simply who they are. They say things like: “I’m just the responsible...
The Stories We Inherit and Mistake for Truth
“Many of our strongest beliefs about love, success, money, and power were inherited long before we examined them.”Most people believe they are making independent decisions. They assume the way they approach relationships, money, success, conflict, responsibility, and...
Why Smart People Repeat the Same Relational Patterns
“Most people assume awareness changes behavior. But patterns often operate beneath awareness until they are intentionally examined.”One of the most frustrating human experiences is this: Knowing exactly what you are doing... And doing it anyway. You promised yourself...